Last year in the month of late june , I joined my Masters . That place which is totally new to me and then it absolutely got replaced by a name that is HELL. I don’t like a single thing about this place and it has been 7 months now , still this place makes me feel bad. But somewhere I survived and still doing and the biggest irony is somewhere down the line this place always gives me some strings of happiness. The reason behind that can be explained in just one word- HIM. After one week or so, when in one of the afternoon I was sitting in my room and was talking with a friend over phone , my roommate called me up to sit with them in foodys. I denied at first but then I went and I guess it was destined. There I met a guy. He is complete opposite to me . Well I don’t know what proper name I should give to him –friend, companion, travelmate or someone who makes me feel close to home in this strangest place or someone whom I can say anything or everything with full right. When I met this guy I never thought he will be this important to me. I initiated the conversation with him which is not very common on my part and it all started. He took my no. which is not so common on his part too and it began. Some LINKIN PARK concert was going on that evening.. I dunno something was there in that place that made both the introverts something which we usually don’t do.
When something is bound to happen, way comes in front of us just like that. That’s what exactly happened to us. He texted me about informing him about the train tickets so that if possible we can go together. I called him up saying that whether we can go together or not. And that was the first time I called him. Never thought that the call I did so casually will become my or rather our necessity one day. Then the whole series started.
We witnessed many incidents together and most of them brought us closer. One such incident was when he told me that he was going to give the exam of CDS. I felt so bad when I heard about it . I dunno why I felt so bad about it but it did. I felt like something very major is going away from me rather a part of me is going from me. I literally told him that he shoudn’t go or give the exam and all and on what right I was telling then , I had no idea but I did. We were sitting in the campus, and I literally held his hand, put my head on my shoulder and cried like anything. That was the first time may be I showed up my inner self , I couldn’t stop my emotions from coming out. I just couldn’t help it because it was not affordable on my part to let him go and stay here alone. When we were talking at night on that day, he told me ‘ Can I hug you?’ when I was talking bullshit to him , in a way I was scolding him which clearly was showing how badly I wanted him to stay. He didn’t gave the exam but that incident really brought us closer.
Its said that ‘ Two people either grow with each other or apart over time’ . We grew over time despite the fact that we are soon going to be apart. Starting from our journey to home to hanging out over here to sharing every small incident happening over here . Everything seems to be so perfect even with a lot of complications , may be because we both enjoy being with each other. As days passed by, I got used to his constant presence. He is the person I look upto whenever Im in a problem or I need to do something or whatever. Fights complete the love we have for that person. While going home for the second time, while we were travelling in a bus , I slept on his shoulders as always. .There was something in that moment that made us feel so close, we could feel each other and it was one of the best moments I had with him. We have fights, often, but mostly it doesn’t stay up long because my silence is something he can’t bear and I can’t bear his absence. Till now the major fight happened between us was when due to some misunderstanding, I stopped talking to him and strangely he after some efforts stopped trying to get back to normal too. It was almost 3 days we didn’t talked with each other and that was the longest timespan that happened. I still remember I was having attendance issue still my complete focus was on this. Same goes with him . He couldn’t able to talk with anyone properly and ended up texting me a big message . And that was it. We talked for hours. Evening turned into night . Fights are bad but the best part about it is the closeness it brings after its over.
With each incident I was realizing that something weird and strange was happening to me but I was desperately ignoring the fact because I knew if that turned out to be the reality , then I won’t be able to bear the consequences. Its said the more you run away from something, the more it comes to you and it was exactly what happened to me. I have fallen for him. Yes, I fall for him. Besides everything I knew , I couldn’t stop my heart falling for him.
Once we were talking about some sort of this thing and we spoke our heart out saying each other things which led us know about our feelings for each other . That night we spoke for hours and that conversation went for the whole night and stretched till morning. I cried, said him things I wanted to say . We both were vulnerable and honest and undoubtedly it made us more closer.
Complexity is a part of life and undoubtedly it’s a routine of my life. I again fall for such a person whom I can’t get no matter how hard I try. Yes, I can’t get him and I knew it beforehand but I just couldn’t stop myself. When I started realising the fact that I was falling for him , I tried a lot to control myself or stop myself but it didn’t help. That’s what happens with love I guess. You keep thinking something and try to control your heart but it all needs that one person to change everything. You meet that person and it just clicks. And then no calculation and circumstances can stop you from that. All it comes is that person above every god damn thing. He can’t be in my life and I have to helplessly let him go. But u see miracles do happen and may be when you want something, you actually start believing in that no matter how many times life tried to screw you up. He gave me peace and I really can’t explain for what I was holding onto. May be the way he made me feel or the times we spend together or the happiness I get meeting him, everything turned out to be the reasons , actually rather excuses for not believing the fact that he will leave me.
He did a lot for me and still continuing. Whether to complete any work I give him or to go out of the way to help me out , then to pamper me like a kid , spoiling me with chocolates, gifts, and so on. This reminds me of one incident when we were about to go out and eat in a restaurant. It doesn’t accept card and we were out of cash . So I was ready with my card and was waiting for his call. He called and said ‘Come near the Main gate. I’m withdrawing money and will meet you there.’ When he came , I heard that he walked so much for withdrawing money and just because the ATM wasn’t working he went to the bank and collected the money and that was just because it was very hot and he didn’t wanted me to run here and there for money. I really like the gesture of him and I felt like kissing him then and there.
I know he likes me a lot and have that strong attachment with me but he can’t step forward due to the complexities and all and yes I do get frustrated sometimes but I too become helpless . After all I love him. Sometimes I feel like he too want to cross over this bondage and at times I feel like he doesn’t . I don’t know what is it but whatever it is , its strong and very much emotional. We were having a conversation once related to this topic and suddenly he started crying . And it was so bad to hear him cry because of all this but honestly, I liked it a bit .
I never felt such attachment for any person till now and everytime I meet him , I feel like holding his hand and telling him to stay in my life and give me the biggest happiness I can get but I stop myself. Every day, every second its killing me from within , Im craving every minute to get him the way I want but I wish destiny would have been bit fair with me this time. If anything I would have wanted now at this moment , it would have been HIM. His happiness and smile is everything to me and I can go to any extent to see him like that .
If I would have to say him something , it would have been ‘ I know you have people in your life who can lighten up your life and give you every small inch of happiness but just don’t forget there is a girl who crossed your path whose compensation no one can fulfil. You will feel my absence and remember about me and you will feel my presence and will be difficult to let me go. Don’t forget me and try to keep me in your heart always even if we are not together because you forgetting me is the last thing I can take.
I love you.
From the girl who loves you with everything she has…